okay pat passed out under dana's car
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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