Sponge bath it is.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
