Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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