I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
