Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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