at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize