I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
