Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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