Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
