Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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