great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
