Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
