i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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