So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
