the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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