oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We were destined to go to rehab together
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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