FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
