i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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