we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
