Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
