Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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