I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
