so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
