its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
