Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.