Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
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I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.