mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.