You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
