When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
