I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
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that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
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How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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