I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
