nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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