He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
