I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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