I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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