once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
