Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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