i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
