I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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