What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
