we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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