Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
