He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
