as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
