waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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