Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
