I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
