im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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