I'm so fucking centered right now
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
