there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
