What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
