The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
