I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
