So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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