i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
