i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is that strawberry winking at me??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
