Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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