Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
