i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
