ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
