She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
whose ass print is on the piano?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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