just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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