please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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