I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
