Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You may now shotgun with the bride
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
